Inside America’s First Family’

William Collins 20If the Trump Family was a work of fiction, any decent editor would immediately post it back to their creator, saying that they were all much too shallow, and in urgent need of depth.

moncler outlet online Even the characters’ names are cartoonish. By now, we have grown so used to the name Donald Trump that we forget quite how daft it moncler outlet sounds a heavy handed mixture of Donald Duck and Nellie the Elephant. But the names of the walk on characters are every bit as silly, from the Trump loyalist Matt Calimari to former chief of staff Rich Bagger. moncler outlet online

moncler outlet store Donald Trump is clearly sexually attracted to women with names straight out of Viz. My favourite is his former girlfriend ‘Norwegian cosmetics heiress’ Celina Midelfart. Incidentally, Donald made his first move on his wife Melania in a restaurant after poor old Ms Midelfart had nipped off to the ladies’ room for a few minutes. moncler outlet store

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Trump’s children share their father’s preference for crazy names. One of Tiffany’s best friends is Reya Benitez, the daughter of Studio 54 DJ John ‘Jellybean’ Benitez. Prominent among the guests at Donald Jr’s wedding at Mar a Lago was ‘reality TV starlet’ Brittny Gastineau.

moncler outlet jackets And while we’re on the subject, it’s worth pointing out that Donald Jr was very nearly called something else. He was born on New Year’s Eve, 1977, after being moncler outlet store induced, to avoid tax . ‘My dad wanted to be able to claim me as a dependent on his taxes for 1977,’ Don told a reporter from Forbes magazine in 2006, ‘so he told my mom that she had to have me before midnight, and if she didn’t, he’d make her take a cab home.’ moncler outlet jackets

Once the baby was safely delivered, Donald Trump asked the mother, Ivana: ‘What should we name moncler outlet sale him?’ She suggested Donald.

moncler factory outlet ‘But what if he’s a loser?’ came the reply. moncler factory outlet

Once he’d agreed to share his name moncler outlet online with his child, Donald Sr was determined to make him a winner. Ten years ago, buy moncler jackets Don Jr went through his father’s parenting techniques on a TV programme called The Big Idea. Apparently, Donald Sr would endlessly repeat the maxim ‘No smoking, no drinking, no drugs’ to the little fellow. He followed this with: ‘Don’t. Trust. Anyone. Ever.’

cheap moncler jackets ‘And you know,’ recalled Don Jr, ‘he’d follow it up two seconds later with: „So, do you trust me?” and I’d say, „Of course, you’re my dad.” He’d say, „What did I just” You know, he thought I was a total failure. He goes, „My son’s a loser, I guess”, because I couldn’t even understand what he meant at the time. ‘His classmates remember seeing him passed out, covered in what they assumed was his own vomit, though who knows whose vomit was whose, truthfully.’ He used to pass out in other people’s beds. ‘Clearly, he didn’t have the wherewithal to consider whether he’d used the bathroom before he tucked himself in. Quickly, he earned himself the nickname Diaper Don for his proclivity for wetting the bed on these nights.’ cheap moncler jackets

He also enjoyed poking fun at the poorer students from state schools, climbing on top of tables and chanting: ‘That’s all right! That’s OK! You’re gonna work for us someday!’

cheap moncler His more recent behaviour doesn’t suggest much improvement. During the election campaign he tweeted a photograph of a bowl of Skittles sweets, and compared them to Syrian refugees. ‘If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you just three would kill you. Trump lost. cheap moncler

Before he became a father, Donald Sr told friends that he wanted at least five children, so as to monlcer down jackets guarantee that one of them would turn out just like him. This book claims to present ‘detailed portraits’ of all five children, though in fact it cheap moncler offers the reader virtually nothing about the hapless 12 year old, Barron Trump, who to my mind is by cheap moncler sale far the most fascinating. The other four cheap moncler outlet have, in their different ways, turned into cheerleaders for their father. Will Barron be the odd one out? Will he break ranks? At the presidential inauguration, young Barron exhibited the sort of hounded, vindictively unimpressed look that suggested the incoming President would be wise to keep an eye on him, in case he starts leaking telltale secrets to The New York Times Moncler Outlet .

cheap moncler coats Of the remaining children, moncler mens jackets Tiffany sounds the most appealing, but perhaps only because we are told so little about her. Donald’s first three the boorish Don Jr, the characterless Eric (whose hairline begins barely a centimetre from the top of his nose) and the frosty goody two shoes Ivanka were all born to Ivana, who finally divorced her husband on the grounds of ‘cruel and inhuman treatment’. cheap moncler coats

moncler jackets outlet Ivana divorced her husband on the grounds of cheap moncler jackets ‘cruel and inhuman treatment’ moncler jackets outlet

moncler outlet uk Donald then married his bouncy lover Marla Maples, a former Miss Hawaiian Tropic, who had also achieved fourth place in a Miss Teen Georgia competition. Marla’s acting career had proved notably brief. After a second on camera in the film Maximum Overdrive, her character was crushed to death by a truck carrying watermelons. moncler outlet uk

moncler sale Donald was so keen to show off his bride to be that he negotiated a seven figure deal for her to pose nude in Playboy magazine. Unfortunately, he forgot to ask her whether she would go along with it, and was cheesed off when she said no. Nevertheless, the wedding went ahead sadly, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson and Liza Minnelli couldn’t make it, but at least Evander Holyfield, Don King and Joe Frazier showed up, lending the brief marriage an appropriate boxing theme. OJ Simpson was also there, which was nice. moncler sale

moncler jacket sale Donald’s friends are a mixed bunch. He and Marla used to enjoy hanging out with Gary Triano, a real estate developer from Tucson, Arizona, and Gary’s wife Pam. Sadly, Gary was killed by Pam in 1996; having finished a round of golf, he got into his car and was blown to pieces by a bomb that had been planted beneath it. Pam is currently in Arizona, serving a life sentence for first degree murder. moncler jacket sale

cheap moncler jackets sale Born Trump by Emily Jane Fox is full of telling details about the family, from grim through grimmer to grimmest. Every expensive, high fashion outfit is lovingly described, generally with its staggering price tag still attached. Ivanka and Jared’s ghastly wedding is recounted over a full five pages of salivatory prose, from the ‘5.22 carat cushion cut diamond engagement ring, set in platinum, from Ivanka Trump’s Fine Jewelry collection’ to the six foot high wedding cake, ‘thirteen layers of lisianthus, roses, peonies, lilies of the valley, and baby’s breath, crafted in sugar, encircling each tier, in whites, pinks, ivories, creams and flesh tones’. cheap moncler jackets sale

Fox’s sentences are frequently long and straggly; their meaning often ends up choking on a surfeit of subordinate clauses. Americanisms such as ‘huge noogies’ as in ‘to this day, he will tell friends and close business associates that he plans on giving them huge noogies the next time he sees them’ may moncler sale outlet well baffle British readers. Often, the meaning of a sentence becomes apparent only on a second reading: you think a phrase like cheap moncler coats ‘Charlie’s business exploded’ means ‘was destroyed’, but it turns out to mean the exact opposite.

cheap moncler outlet Trump is clearly sexually attracted to women with names straight out of Viz. My favourite is his former girlfriend ‘Norwegian cosmetics heiress’ Celina Midelfart cheap moncler outlet

moncler outlet Who would ever have thought that the White House would one day be home to a family that had stepped straight out of an Elmore Leonard novel? moncler outlet

The President’s son in law, Jared, has a sober, conventional, even rather boring air about him. Now aged 37, he has only ever worked for the family business. But what a business! His father, Charles described by one associate as ‘a psychopath truly the worst person in the world’ tried blackmailing his brother in law by hiring a prostitute to seduce him, and then secretly filming them having sex. He was arrested and sentenced to two years in prison on 18 counts, including tax evasion and witness tampering. The only surprise is that Donald Trump didn’t choose Charles Kushner to run as his Vice President, as some sort of insurance against his own assassination.

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